These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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