You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
