yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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