I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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