$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Even my vagina gasped.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
