then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
