i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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