I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
