I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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