I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
