is your mom at the bar?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
