Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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