just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
