i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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