Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
