She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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