Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
