After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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