Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
