We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
