We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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