its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
