Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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