You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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