dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
two words...techno handjob
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
