I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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