I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
