debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
