Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was born a porn star she said
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
