Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
