I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
