I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
