I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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