Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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