Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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