Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
