So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
