I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
