It's a beautiful day for a hangover
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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