Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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