Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
