I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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