Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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