I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
