yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
