Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
