Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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