When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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