Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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