i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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