We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
